remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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