You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
