When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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