my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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