My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
