just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
