So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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