you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
