i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
