YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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