She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
