dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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