dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
