Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
