Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
