I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
