see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Less talking, more tequila
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
