Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
