i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
