Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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