good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
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and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
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Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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