just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
