i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
