He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
