I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
