Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
