Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
