I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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