it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
