Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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