im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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