If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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