I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
