He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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