Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
please come you make the beer taste better
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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