drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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