well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
