Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
