my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
