Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
