Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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