I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
