you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
