and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
