Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
