He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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