dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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