is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
