I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
