So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
