The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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