her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
