the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
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I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
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Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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