Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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