Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
