I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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