I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize