I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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