okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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