by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
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