Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
