The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
