yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
