3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
