Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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