you win again, gameday.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
