# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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