So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
