im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
