ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
