I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
