tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
